Man, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, I always seem to get into really weird or fucked up situations. My friends always make fun of me because of this. Anyways, some funny things happened over the past couple weeks that I thought I would write about here, the first one is just weird and the second one is pretty funny.
Cajun is a time traveler/was abducted by Aliens.
So Tenmagnet has been staying on my couch the past couple weeks because he just moved back to Toronto from Vancouver and doesnt have a place yet. A couple weeks ago, me, Tenmagnet, and Biscuit (whom im sure you will be hearing more about as he competed in the next season of Keys to the VIP), all went out for food after a successful Toronto bootcamp. After the meal, as we were walking back to my place, Tenmagnet and Biscuit realized they had no towels to shower and decided to go purchase some. We were already directly across the street from my house and waiting for the light when they realized this. I told them there was a drug mart a block away down the street. They went off to the drug mart as I stood there waiting for the light to turn so I could go across the street into my house.
Good, so far.
So the light turns a couple seconds later, I walk across the street and open my door (it was mysteriously unlocked?) and walk up my stairs into my house. I go into my living room and see Tenmagnet and Biscuit sitting on my couch using their laptops!
Cajun: What the FUCK!?
Cajun: How did you guys beat me here? I just saw you walk in the OPPOSITE direction towards the drug mart??
Tenmagnet: Dude, we got back like 3 minutes ago...
Cajun: What!? Impossible, I just left you guys across the street!
Biscuit: That was like 10 minutes ago dude, the drug mart didnt have towels so we had to go to the other place down the street.
Cajun:...Haha you guys are fucking with me!
Tenmagnet: Dude...look, we have the towels.
*They have gay pink towels that are obviously not mine*
Cajun: Oh fuck!
Tenmagnet: What the fuck is wrong with you?
Cajun: Shit, I think I skipped time, im so fucked!
Biscuit: You probably got into a trance or something.
Cajun: Did you guys see me standing outside when you came back?
Tenmagnet: No, hmmm we would have though. Where the fuck were you?
Cajun: No! You guys went to the store, I crossed the street, came inside and you were already here!
Tenmagnet: You probably got abducted by aliens.
Cajun: Alright, were not talking about this anymore, this is freaking me out, lets get drunk.
*An hour later my roommate/cousin Mitch comes home*
*Tenmag and Biscuit tell him the story*
Mitch: Haha yeah that happens to him all the time, he's so fucked, he disappears sometimes.
Cajun: Shut up! Stop talking about this!
Haha so im still not sure what happened, but recently in Glasgow I disappeared and actually REMEMBER where I went.
Cajun disappears in Scotland
We were drinking in this cool underground basement bar with a group of people, Cajun gets up to go to the washroom and never comes back. A while later, im back at the hotel room and Cajun bursts in the door out of breath, dirt all over him, and bloody hands. What the fuck?
So I went to the washroom to take a piss and actually wasn't feeling that well. When I came out of the washroom I noticed a door with a green exit sign which I thought was the door we came in from. I wanted to get some fresh air so I opened it and walked out, immediately an alarm goes off and I realize im in the back area behind the bar and am entirely fenced in with 20 foot concrete walls. I go back to the door to get back inside but it only opens from the inside and is now closed and locked. Fuck! I bang on the door for about 5 minutes but its too loud inside and nobody hears it. I laugh to myself for getting into the predicament and decide to look around for possible escapes.
Im basically in a totally concealed concrete box outside the bar with two fire escapes leading up to doors. I climb the first one and get to the door at the top which is locked. Fuck. I climb up the second one and the door is also locked. Im getting upset and desperate at this point. While on the second ladder I notice that its high enough that I could scale the concrete wall. I initially think this is a terrible idea since even if I do scale it, the drop on the other side would no doubt bust my ankles or leg or something. I look for something soft to land on, nothing, but I realize that on the other side is a tall bar gate that I think I could squeeze under to get to freedom, worth a shot I think if I can manage a way down there. I lean out and see if I can see anything on the other side of the concrete wall that I could use to shimmy down, I notice a solid looking pipe, victory! I also realize that if I jump from the fire escape onto the wall that there would be no way back onto the fire escape unless I pull some serious Jackie Chan shit, and im totally wasted so thats almost certain death.
I decide to jump, I make it onto the top of the wall and almost fall off head first but manage to steady myself. I hold onto the wall with my hands and try to get a footing onto the pipe. Its pretty stable so I let go of the wall with my hands and hold on, I slide a bit and a screw rips my hand open as I slide down the first few feet. Fuck! It doesnt hurt too bad because im drunk. I manage to get down the other side and my feet hit the ground, fuck yeah! I look at my hand, its not too bad. I go over to the bar fence and realize that I could never crawl under it or through it, going over it isnt an option either as its too high and all the bars are vertical and hard to climb, especially for a drunk idiot like me. I get mad again, it seems I'm now even more fucked. Its about 3am and theres nobody on the tiny side street this fence overlooks. I freak out and start running around looking for exits, I walk down a dark little alley that comes to a door that opens. Thing is, inside is totally pitch dark and I have no idea if theres a way out...
I decide that things couldn't get much worse so I go in and the door closes behind me, its pitch black, I cant see anything. I go to open the door again to let some light in but its ALSO a door that only opens from 1 side, and since I didn't hold it open, its now locked. FUCK, I'm now locked in a dark room with no foreseeable exit. I start getting very upset and screaming at the Gods for putting me through this. I decide to pad around the walls with my hands to see if I can find anything, I touch something with buttons so I push them all and it makes beeps and buzzes like an apartment buzzer, I yell into what I presume is a mic and continually mash the buttons, but nothing. After about 10 minutes of padding around I finally feel a bar that I can push, I push it and a door opens and I'm outside on the street! I triumphantly yell "FREEEEEDOM" in front of a bunch of people outside the club looking at me like I'm some sort of crazy hobo. I'm full of dirt, wearing a bright red Michael Jackson jacket and covered in blood. I run back to the hotel, burst open the door and see Tenmagnet using his laptop and looking at me like he's seen a ghost.
Tenmagnet: You are so fucked.
Cajun: I know.
Tenmagnet: Tell me what happened...