Hey guys sorry for such a long delay between posts, I’ve been busy with some scary shit the past couple weeks. Anyways, so the
Oh, and just to build a little hype, here are the 3 stories Synopses:
Part 1
The Silent Challenge: Dahunter and Cajun play a friendly challenge involving them only allowed to speak 3 words to women. Cajun gets drunk and takes the game too seriously.
Part 2
Ballin!: Cajun somehow gets his group bottle service and passed a $10,000 cover to party with Kanye West and Swedish models in Tryst. Feat: Breakdown of me picking up one of said models.
Part 3
Our Darkest Secret: Mr. M and Sheriff murder an overweight 57 year old hooker and bury her in the desert…and get away with it. Hilarity ensues, whoops!
Just kidding,
Part 3
Strippers + Game = Profit?: Cajun plays hot potato stripper. What!?
So here is part 1 of the series. I’ll post 2 and 3 a couple days apart.
The Silent Challenge:
One of the coolest things about the super conference was that I got to meet a lot of the other guys in the company that I hadn’t had the chance to work with yet. One of these guys was Dahunter, who I had been told was a really chill guy with amazing body language, and being a self proclaimed master at body language myself, I was very excited to meet him.
Tenmagnet on Dahunter:
“The guy is so chill and relaxed it looks like he’s going to fall over.”
Dahunter didn’t disappoint, and after hanging out with him for the better part of the weekend (He was on my in-field team) I realized that our style was very similar. Me and Dahunter got drunk on one of our off nights and decided to play a game in which we were only allowed to say 3 words to any girl we meet, and see how far we could get just using our body language.
We all end up going out to the playboy club that night
Cajun: I….party…..forever!
Girl1: Hahaha well this is Vegas, so you’re right at home!
*Cajun furrows his eyebrows, and leans into a locked in position next to girl 1*
Cajun: *silence*
Girl 2: So what’s your name?
Knowing I cant speak, and refusing to play “charades”, I simply drink my bottle of beer continuously and point to it as if it’s the reason I can’t talk.
Girl1: Why won’t you talk to us?
*Cajun pulls out a pen and a piece of paper and writes:*
“Awkward silence?”
*Hands note to girls*
…
Girls walk away.
I laugh to myself and realize that indirect game will be impossible with these rules. But I decide to try it a couple more times before I break out the direct game. I spot a group of scantily dressed women facing the bar and try my luck again. I order a drink next to them, switch around so my back is to the bar and then look at the one farthest from me and say:
Cajun: You love…Phil Collins. (Names count as 1 word!)
*Woman turns around and she’s obviously in her early 40’s, but not bad looking*
Woman1: Oh I love Phil Collins!
Cajun: *makes disgusted face*
*Woman 2 now turns around and is about the same age, they both immediately begin touching me and displaying other “cougar-esque” behavior.*
Being a veteran of in field game, I know that the one thing that you never want to do is tease a cougar, because if you tease a cougar you get bit. Realizing that if I play the silent challenge they will take it as some sort of sick flirting game and that Vegas cougars are probably twice as aggressive as Canadian cougars, I decide that I will pass on spending my first night in Vegas being mauled by a couple of cougs...until I get drunker.
Cajun (Cont’d): Hey sorry guys, the fact that you love Phil Collins makes it impossible for me to respect you, and I’m old enough to be your father.
Cougs: Ahahah oh you're so cute!
Cajun: I'll come talk to you wildcats after a couple more drinks.
Cougs: Wait, what?
I walk away.
Did I mention I was getting drunk at this point?
The thing with me when I drink is that for some reason my game actually improves…up to a certain point obviously. I tend to be more of an ass, so really confident girls tend to be easier, low self-esteem girls however tend to hate me. At this point I was at the sweet spot in my drunkenness where I was bold enough to confidently escalate immediately yet still sober enough to not accidentally hit on ugly girls.
I walk to the elevators, passing through the dance floor and casually making out with 2 different girls as I “Jagger” my way through. I get into the elevator with 2 playboy bunnies (We were at Playboy club at this point) and say:
Cajun: Guys, I’m famous and I need to make an impressive exit out of the club, here…
*I stick my arms out for them to grab, they do*
Bunny2: Are you a musician? (I dressed like one that night)
Cajun: Alright ladies, get ready for cameras and a mob…
*The doors open and we walk out arm in arm in front of the long line to get in. A couple guys cheer and whoo!”
Bunny1: Where are we going?
Cajun: Right here.
*I sit down at one of the nickel machines, put a coin in, and pull the lever*
Cajun: Can you get me a gin and tonic?
Bunnies: Ahahahah you’re hilarious.
Cajun: What time do you guys get off?
Bunniy2: Wow, very smooth.
Cajun: Alright, meet me here, see ya!
Bunnies: See ya!
I get up and walk towards the blackjack tables, I see Mr. M on his cell and he runs over to me.
Mr. M: Dude where you been? Everyone is at Hardrock.
Cajun: Fuck (something incoherent about playboy bunnies) lets go!
We go to Hardrock and meet up with Tenmagnet and some of the other guys. This is the point at which I pass through my “optimal drunk” point and into my “Everyone starts to look sexy” period of drunkenness. Here is what happened as explained through the next morning over breakfast:
Tenmagnet: So who won in your game with Dahunter last night?
Cajun: I don’t know, I didn’t see Dahunter after Playboy but I did amazing!
Tenmagnet: Dude, when I saw you at hardrock last night you were just walking up to women, sort of sneering at them, and then you’d start making out with them.
Cajun: Fuck awesome!
Tenmagnet: No, not awesome dude! We were at Hardrock at
*Tenmagnet shows me a picture of me kissing a really pale chubby girl*
Cajun: (taken aback) OH FUCK! Why did you take me there!
To my credit Tenmagnet really only took a picture of the ugliest girl I managed to kiss that night, ignoring the seemingly dozens of potential 6’s and 7’s (hookers) that seem to populate the Hardrock after hours.
Dahunter and some of the other instructors join us for breakfast and I ask Dahunter about his night.
Cajun: Dude did you try our challenge?
Dahunter: Ahhh fuck no I kind of forgot about it, how did it go for you?
I get a fuzzy flashback of a woman at hardrock who’s lips were so big and fake that she reminded me of a clam with hair, I then realize that in my state last night I probably would have found her “clamish” features attractive.
Cajun: Haha I don’t want to talk about it, fucking Vegas.
I take a big gulp of my bloody mary praying that the double shot of vodka cauterizes all the skin in my skanky mouth.
Stay tuned for part 2 of The Vegas files: Ballin!
